I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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