You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
