She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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