Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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