Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
