Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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