I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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