But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
