Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
