My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
