That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
