that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
