I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
