You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
