ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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