I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
