just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
