hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
