I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
