My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
