how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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