last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
