He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
