just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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