explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
