my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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