Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
