I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
