Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
