I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
