So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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