Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
