dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
