youre lurking in front of me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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