i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
