haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
