So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
