i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
