So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
