8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
