I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dick very happy bro
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
