I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sobbing to NWA
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
