pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
