Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
