who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
