This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
