I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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