you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
