I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
