is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
