This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
