Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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