who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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