The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
