u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
