Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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