i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
