i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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