How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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