Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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